


The Unexpected II: Regrouping

by ssa_archivist



Series: The Unexpected [2]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-06-03
Updated: 2002-06-03
Packaged: 2017-11-01 06:24:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/353075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The bets defense is a good offense.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Unexpected II: Regrouping

## The Unexpected II: Regrouping

by zahra

<http://www.obsessedmuch.net/dysfunctional>

* * *

* * *

The next time Lex crashes to earth he's going to make sure his whole body lands on the carpet. He supposes that that's only going to happen if he actually gets wall-to-wall carpeting in his office though. The area rugs are nice decoration, but they're not going to be very beneficial if Clark keeps dropping bombs like this one on him. They're not ... practical, and Lionel is having chest pains somewhere right now; and that smirk probably isn't the right expression for Lex to have on his face, but fuck it. 

Lex's left knee is twanging from where gravity slammed it onto the hardwood floor and his right knee is not particularly happy about making up the difference. Knee buckling is a really descriptive metaphor. Still, Lex is on solid ground, solid earth, and he's got a solid Clark touching his face. Stroking Lex's _face_ because... because Clark is, oh shit. 

Lex temporarily forgot about _that_ , if temporarily means for 4.25 seconds. It takes less time for his Ferrari to go to 60 and Lex is getting _slow._

Or maybe it's just Clark. Maybe it's some sort of forcefield type thing that Clark permeates that _sucks_ the unsuspecting in and that's just fucking stupid because if that was true, well. If that was true, Clark would be dating half the high school, and Lex, well, Lex would have offed the other half. 

Clark is his... his not-human. 

And being Lex's _not-human_ certainly explains Clark's hands because no human's hands could be this soft after living on a farm for all these years, and yeah. Okay. Lex can do this. Clark isn't human, not a majorly big deal, but Clark isn't gay either. Now that just blows. 

Godfuckingdamnit. 

"You thought - you thought I was gay?" 

Thought, hoped, called the Psychic Friends Network, whatever. 

"Well, I certainly didn't think you were..." 

"That I wasn't human." 

"Yeah, that." 

"I'm not a _that_." Oops. Not quite what Lex meant. "You can't even say it, can you, Lex?" 

Slightly aggrieved tone there and somewhere someone is screaming 'Danger Will Robinson!' Lex almost misses it. Almost, but not quite. 

"Yes, I can." 

"No, you can't." 

"Yes, I can, what are you, five?" And that bastard is so not pouting at Lex. Wait. Maybe it's not called pouting when you're not human. Maybe it's some mutant form of _flirting._

Or not. 

"Lex. I -- I told you because I thought I could trust you, but now you're acting all weird and..." Oh fuck. Clark thinks Lex is freaking out because he's a mutant. That's not it at all. See Lex _knew_ he wasn't ready to have The Conversation yet. 

"Clark." 

"Lex, _please._ " 

Fuck shit damnit. Clark would have to go and say his name with _that_ voice. And Lex is so not getting hard. Now is not the time but if he thinks about it, it's probably the 'please' that really did Lex in. That. was. evil. Hell, maybe Clark's evil. Maybe Clark is a scout for a race of Clarkbots, yeah, like Lex could be so lucky. 

This is getting way out of hand. Hand and hands and Clark's hands aren't touching Lex anymore. Now that's a shock. More of a shock than non-human Clark and not-gay Clark. It has to be rectified. 

"You're... you're not human." 

Inhale, exhale. Breathing used to come so naturally for Lex. 

"Right." 

"So you're... a mutant?" Goddamn meteor rocks fucked up Clark somehow just like Lex, only Lex really can't see anything wrong with Clark. He can see a lot of things that are _right,_ but wrong? Well, Lex can't tell with Clark fully clothed. Maybe a thorough examination is in order and... no. No. 

Clark isn't a fuck up. Clark's not a biology experiment. 

"What? No! No, I'm not - not a mutant." 

Which leaves Lex with only one other option and... 

"Clark, are you trying to tell me that you're an _alien_?" and Lex really couldn't help his voice scaling up at the end of that sentence. He knows he couldn't have. The whole voice _breaking_ and _cracking_ thing probably could've been helped though. 

Oh wait. Clark's not laughing. Oh wait. Lex is. He knows it's wrong, but that's just. Oh, that's priceless. 

"Clark, if you," Lex has to catch his breath. "If you weren't interested in me..." Breathe. "All you had to do was say so, I'm a big boy I can take it." 

God, Lex's ribs are killing him, he's going to keel over in a minute. This is just too much. He's been rejected... three times in his life, counting this, but this is just... Oh. 

Next time Lex won't laugh at the alien. 

Clark moves _fast._ Clark moves _really_ fast. And Lex wasn't the one in the chair, he was just fine on the floor, but things just changed. Really fast. So now he knows - don't upset the alien. 

The alien being Clark. _His_ Clark. He needs to regroup. 

"Clark." 

"..." 

" _Clark_ " 

For somebody who's saying nothing at all, Clark's eyes are talking awful loudly. 

"Clark, I need to get some things clear, just for my sake. Is that all right?" 

Please say yes. Please say yes. 

"It's okay, Lex. Just, you know, _ask_ me, don't, you know." Not ask. Don't assume. Oh, boy does Lex feel like a bastard right about now. 

"Yeah, I know." 

A smiley, happy Clark. A smiley, happy, non-human Clark. Right. And the hands are back. Okay, _a_ hand is back, but it's on Lex's knee, and wow is Clark _warm._ Lex is such the dumbass, he should've known. Nobody with teeth that white could be human. 

"So..." So, Clark is an alien. An alien who Lex ran over in his car and who's saved Lex more times than Lex has fingers. Clark, the alien, who rescued Lex from crazed invisible boys and disgruntled ex-LuthorCorp employees. Clark, his friend, who's warded off stalkers and dragon-like lovers and who has thoroughly canned Lex's sex life because the only thing - person - entity that Lex wants to fuck in this entire galaxy is... Clark. Hmm. 

No. Try again, Alexander. 

"So?" 

"So you're an alien." Idiot. 

"Right." 

"And you know this because you're really three inches tall with yellow eyes and purple skin and this is just your insulation suit?" 

"Lex." Well, it sounded funny in his head, and it's certainly better than the 10,000 other things that are dying to pop out. 

"Clark, c'mon, work with me here. I'm trying, I just." 

God, Clark is too young to sigh that deeply. Or maybe not. Maybe Clark's really 300 years old and everybody sighs like that where he, um, comes from? 

"Where do you come from?" 

"I - I don't know. There's just the, um, theshipilandedin," and ow, Clark's gripping Lex's knee. If Lex can just bend it a little... 

"Oh my god, Lex! I'm sorry, I didn't mean." Oh, damage control alert. Damnit, now the hand is going away again, hell, the whole body is moving away. This isn't acceptable to Lex at all. 

"Clark," oh wow, his knee _does_ hurt. "Clark, you don't have to move," you can even sit on my lap if you want. Whoops. No. That's not going to help this out but moving out this chair might. Sitting on the floor with Clark might help even more, even though his knees are going to complement his shirt spectacularly in the morning. 

They need to be on the same playing field. Lex needs to be near his nervous habit. Needs to touch him, feel him. Make sure Clark's okay. Make sure _he's_ okay. 

Soft skin on Clark's hand, even softer over his cheekbone and Clark may not be human, but he sure as hell _feels_ human. Sure as hell acts human. That may not be good enough for Alexander Joseph Luthor, but it's sure as hell good enough for Lex. 

"Lex, there's - there's more." 

More. More? Oh, god, now what? 

"What kind of more, Clark?" Little green men more? Clark has extra parts more? "More like _what_?" 

"Icamedowninthemeteorshowerandit'smyfaultyou'rebald." 

Uh huh. Yeah, okay. All right. God, Lex is so fucking adaptable that he's going to out-evolve Darwinism. 

Goddamn Lex is _good,_ he's not freaking out at all. Of course, he's not saying anything either and Clark looks like he's going to pass out. Oh, that can't happen. 

"Clark," oh, he's definitely looking pale. Can aliens faint? "Clark, how old were you when you... when you landed?" 

"I - I'm not sure. My records said I was three when I was adopted." 

Records. Papers. Oh fuck. Those have to go. Later. Lex will worry later. Except that he can't help running his head over his scalp, his _bare_ scalp, and smiling; because no hair equals Clark, and being bald isn't who Lex is but how Clark's made him. 

Clark has made Lex who he is, who he _will_ be. Fuck yes. 

Lex didn't think that was going to happen until a few years after The Conversation. He thinks he called it The Conversion, but he can dissect that later because there's the matter of his alien. 

_His_ alien. 

"Clark, you were _three,_ I don't think you did it maliciously. Even Mussolini had to be potty trained at that age. You're too smart to really believe that any of this is your fault." 

"No, Lex you don't understand." Guilt. Oh, god, Clark's guilt is contagious. 

"I think I understand a lot more than you might think. I should probably be thanking you." 

" _Lex._ " 

"Clark." Hands, Lex must lay his hands somewhere, sadly enough it looks like the floor is going to be the big winner. "Clark, you know all that stuff I'm always telling you about destinies and legacies and how legendary we're going to be?" 

"Yeah." 

"Can't you see it's already happening?" 

"But Lex," and the desperation has to go. Clark can't be this stressed out, Lex can't have that. Clark has to forgive himself. He _needs_ to forgive himself, and Lex has never felt so omnipotent in his entire life. 

"I don't blame you, Clark, and if you're looking for forgiveness," God, if it was always this easy, "well then, I forgive you." 

"Thanks - thanks, Lex," Oh, Lex is going to kill Clark. He's doing that goddamn _cute_ fidgeting thing again. Clark is so dead, if Clark's smile doesn't kill Lex first. It his secret alien weapon, Lex knows it is. But if the weapon doesn't kill him, maybe Clark will take him captive and turn him into a concubine. 

"Okay, so, a ship. A ship. That you _landed_ in." Oh my god. Lex didn't need six months to prepare for The Conversation, he needed six _years._

"Yeah, a ship." 

"Wow." Oh, that's real intelligent, but Lex bets it goes faster than his Diablo and that can do 205mph. Wow. 

"Yeah," there's that non-human smile again. "Wow." 

"So, what does it do?" 

"Do? I don't think it _does_ anything." 

"You think? Haven't you checked it out?" 

"I only just found - no, not really." 

"Oh," and Lex can't help being disappointed because this, well, _this_ is science. And he's a scientist and Clark's ship... is part of Clark. And Lex just. Lex doesn't need to know. He may _want_ to know but, he doesn't _have_ to know. 

"I was kind of hoping you'd look at it with me." 

"Oh." Oh. Yeah. Lex can do that and hey, hands. Again. More hands. Hands like Shiva. Lex thought Clark only had two hands. 

Wow, Clark is really close and Lex never. Never... 

"I was thinking it could be like a date thing." 

A date. Thing. 

"Date, Clark?" 

"Yeah, you know, pizza, a movie and a chance to play 'Doctor' with the ship." 

"But - but..." and Lex sputtering is not one of his smoother moves. And to think he used to regularly ace Oral Communications. "But you're, you're an alien and you said..." 

"Lex, I never said I wasn't gay." 

-finis- 


End file.
